The Disparate Housewives – Stella Mandella (aka Elaine Crinnion) and Jacqueline Saphra – are a wonder of creation: How has this small pair of friends managed to swim the Housewifery all the way up to The Poetry? Since forming in 2007 they’ve dished up their delicious home-cooked views on life, love, and food, all over the country, including at PureandGoodandRight, Warwick; The Poetry Shack, Bloomsbury; Glastonbury Festival 2008; The Hothouse, King’s Cross; and Write Angle Petersfield.
The Disparate Housewives: “They make me want to bake.” – Audi Maserati.
The Disparate Housewives: “…look so 1950’s housewife and then cover deep topics – very clever and astute.” – Naomi Woddis.
Jacqueline Saphra: “A great comic persona.” – John Hegley.
Stella Mandella: “A star.” – Francesca Beard.
No rock’n’roll, no parties, no illicit kisses, missis.
No flirting or laughing in the back row.
No short skirts, stilettos or dirty jokes.
The only lipstick you may wear
is matt beige,
the default setting on your stereo
is low. No beer.
Don’t swear or sweat.
No shades or skimpy underwear,
don’t dye your hair. No singing in the street.
Don’t drive as if you never passed your test
or think my friends will be impressed
with how you’re dressed.
Wear plain black: no bling, cling or cleavage.
Act your age.
And I’m not talking virgin or widow,
I’m talking nun.
No drugs or alcohol, no late night raves,
Live with it Mum,
you’re past that stage.
Last rule (this one’s well bad):
don’t ever, ever, ever
let me see you
…Yeah, but try telling love about house rules
and you know what happens…
Love’s Not Bothered
Love’s not bothered if you’re both called Lyn. Or Steven.
Love’s not bothered if your skin is wrinkly skin, or even.
Love’s not bothered about cosmetic dentistry,
love doesn’t bother with materialistic inventories.
Love doesn’t care if bling, or nothing’s on the hand – held in a hand,
or care if you’re rich, or – I’d go so far as to say – bland,
but if you’re not as tasty as you’d wish – it’s not such bad luck,
’cause thanks to love, there’s always going to be somebody to tuck
into you with appetite, who may well not even think, yuck.
Because love does care. Love cares very much.
Although, sorry – not about our lives upon this earth.
Love often comes on strongly at the start, when there’s a birth,
but love can come on just as strongly at the end, when we cop it.
Love: Neither life nor death can stop it.
So what is love bothered about, if not the above?
Love cares about love
cares about love
cares about love
cares about love.
House Rules © Jacqueline Saphra
Love’s Not Bothered © Stella Mandella